What do you do when a relationship or friendship is dying? When you no longer feel that you both are vibrating on the same wavelength and now want different things from the relationship or friendship? What should you do?
When we feel that a relationship, friendship or otherwise, which was rooted in trust and love is fading, we feel it deeply. It hurts our soul. This is because this relationship once filled us with such tremendous joy. It provided support, companionship, and security. You never felt alone because you knew that you always had this relationship to lean on and carry you when you needed to be carried. You gave pieces of yourself in exchange for pieces of them. You became intertwined in each other’s being.
It feels like a part of you is dying.
The fading relationship brings along a loss. Loss of your sense of self and the security it once brought. It leaves empty spaces in your soul that it once filled.
Understand that relationships change. Sometimes we change in complimentary ways and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes there will be “give” and “take” during these changes and a compromise is made where you both bend as a result of the morphing relationship. Maybe you bend and transform into shapes and sizes that continue to work well together. But what happens when a metamorphosis yields a new shape that either you, them, or both cannot meld into?
What can be done?
The first thing to do is try to identify and understand the aspects of the relationship that are diminishing or changing in ways that you find difficult to adjust. Are you mistreating or disrespecting each other as a result? Do you think these are areas that if you both work together, they can be healed?
Try to figure out why the changes have occurred in the first place. Have either of you experienced any life altering changes recently? Is either one of you under an unusual amount of stress? These are factors that can adversely alter relationships. Do you have reason to believe that this change is temporary? If so, try to be patient and understanding. You both may need each other the most during this time. You need to express your support for one another as the storm continues to pass. Fill your hearts with patience and love.
If the changes are not temporary, then is there something that you can do about it? Are the layers of the relationship shedding and not being replaced with new layers because you both are not contributing?
Use your words. Tell them how you feel. Communication is very important in maintaining any relationship but a crucial variable in communication with others is doing so with love and understanding. It hurts the most to talk about your pains with someone when it is coming from a place of hurt and anger. Before talking to them, try taking a few deep breaths in which you imagine that you are exhaling negativity from your body and inhaling positivity. Fill your heart with love and compassion before you enter a conversation about the relationship with the other person.
Listen. Do not just simply hear their words, but try to understand their point of view. They are more than likely experiencing strife just as you are. Listen to them with an open mind. This will help you be more compassionate and insightful.
Compromise. Discuss ways in which you both can work at healing the relationship. It may take a while for you both to come to terms on what you both need, and what you both are willing to do to repair your relationship. The important thing is to have patience with one another during this time. Having patience will not only help you lovingly and peacefully come up with ways to heal, but it will also help you cultivate patience towards yourself.
Set a date and re-evaluate. After a certain amount of time has passed, assess your progress. Are things getting better? If so, keep at it!
Still not enough?
If you have made your concerns clear and have been trying with no success but are still feeling like the relationship is slipping away, then it may be a time to cut your losses. At this point, you both have tried your best and maybe it's time to let it go.
Maybe the relationship is no longer needed for you to move forward. Perhaps it has served its purpose in your life, and yours in theirs, and it is time to release it so that a new relationship can develop in both of your lives.
Sometimes we are faced with very difficult decisions. May may choose to stay out of fear of facing the adverse emotions accompanied with letting go. Letting go is not always easy. It can be hard. But you will learn more about yourself during the process and become stronger. It is important, however, to let go of the relationship with love.
Learning to let go in a loving way will make your heart expand and let more love for everything else flow more easily into your heart. Try this exercise for letting go:
This exercise is meant for you to let go of the relationship with love. Do this exercise every night for a week - two weeks if needed.
Imagine the relationship.Remember all the good things and the bad. Think about all that you both have taught each other. Think about what you have learned. While you're doing this, inhale softly. Breathe in all these thoughts and hold them in your mind. Feel both of the negative and positive feelings flow throughout your both. You have once let the relationship fill you up, and now, it is time to release it for another. When you exhale, imagine that you are releasing all the energy back into the universe. Continue to do this for a while. Then, imagine the person with whom you had this relationship. Imagine that they are incased in a gentle light. It is glowing soft pink. This glow is love, and gratitude. Notice the softness, love, and gratitude that you feel towards them. Let it fill your heart. When you feel that your heart if full, begin to send waves of love and gratitude towards this person. Thank them for gifting you with love you and for teaching you valuable lessons. Feel the gratitude. Feel the love. Understand that it is time to let this person go on and offer these beautiful gifts to the world. Understand that it is now time for you to give these gifts to others as well.
Slowly let the image disappear and when you open your eyes, say out loud, "Thank you. I now let you go with love".
We don't always have to hate someone in order to let them go. Still loving someone while letting them go is harder. But you can still love them and wish the best for them as you both move on.
After all is said and done, do not close your heart. Keep it open to loving others. Let your heart beat freely and lightly, knowing that love will carry you through.
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